How my life has changed since meeting Ashley Day… A more personal post

How my life has changed since meeting Ashley Day... A more personal post

Hey guys!

Today’s post is a little different, something I wanted to share so I can look back on it personally as well as to show others that anything is possible so never ever give up.

Firstly I’m going to start by explaining some things you may or may not know about the last few years in my life. Back in 2016 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And throughout the weeks, months and year from then I was in and out of a very very dark place. I had been through so much and seen so much and experienced so much, I just gave up and didn’t see the point in living life really. I barely went out, I barely seen my friends, I just stayed in bed most of the day and most of the night. Then during 2017, again I was in a dark place and I was diagnosed with a third illness, borderline personality disorder. A disorder I had never even heard of until I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist during my visit to Canada. It was not the best trip due to multiple reasons, but the one thing I am grateful for is that precious diagnoses which explained how I was feeling perfectly. The psychiatrist explained that the anxiety and depression were still apparent but they were not the main things I should have been focusing on back home.

When I got home from Canada I ended up going out a lot, spending a lot of time drinking in nightclubs and honestly just drinking to forget I suppose you could say.

Then in December 2017 I was in hospital really unwell with meningitis when I received an Instagram message from a lad I had never spoke to before. It was a simple message but one that made me smile when I was feeling my lowest. I never replied to any Instagram messages because a lot of the ones I received were off lads who only wanted one thing let’s be honest. But for some reason I replied, I remember sitting in the hospital bed doing a little bit of stalking on his profile when he messaged me and all I could think was how hot he looked in his pictures so I ended up replying. From that day I haven’t looked back. The whole time I was in and out of hospital he would message me checking on me and making sure I was okay. First thing Christmas morning he messaged me wishing me a Merry Christmas, the little things he said and did before we had even met meant a lot to me.

A few days after Christmas, we finally arranged to meet for the first time. The night before he rang me and we spoke on the phone for the first time and immediately we clicked, we spoke and laughed for hours and ended up falling asleep on the phone. The next day, he was late, which I have now learned is completely normal for him. However we met and we went to Merryhill just to talk, spend time with each other and see if we connected in person just as much as we had over messages and a phone call and we definitely did. We ended up staying with each other for about 9 hours, knowing I had work the next morning didn’t bother me, I just didn’t want to go home so we ended up driving around, going to a 24 hour shop, just so we didn’t have to go home yet. That night I knew I was in love, I never believed in love at first sight but after that night I definitely did because it had happened to me. The next day in work I was so happy, the whole team around me knew something was up and kept pestering me asking me why I was so happy.

Two days later we met again, this time I went to his house and met his parents, who by the way, are so lovely and I feel so grateful to have them as my in-laws to be. Since that day we’ve pretty much been inseparable, me staying at his house almost every day, spending time with each others families and just growing closer and closer together.

Some people may say things have happened quickly and yes I would agree, however I have no worries about how quickly things have happened because I completely, wholeheartedly know that he is the person I am going to marry one day. People always told me that love happens when you least expect it and that when you meet ‘the one’ you just know instantly and I truly do believe that’s the case with Ashley Day. My feelings for him are beyond anything I could have ever imagined, beyond anything I have ever felt for anyone in my life before. Sometimes you think you’re in love and everything is perfect but then when you find the person you’re supposed to spend your life with it is a completely different feeling. We still bicker and sometimes argue but within minutes (sometimes hours if I’m being a bitch), we speak and laugh it off and move forward and I honestly believe that that’s the best thing about being in love. No matter what happens you always kiss and make up and rectify situations.

I am so glad I have found Ashley. As I started this post off with, I have had a terrible few years and I never imagined I would be in the position I am in today. I feel the most content I ever have, I feel the happiest I ever have and I feel ready to live life with Ashley Day by my side. My previous post is all about Borderline Personality Disorder, a disorder I had no idea how to deal with, I know it’s a horrible disorder that makes you feel so horrible sometimes, you react badly to situations and sometimes you’re just in a horrible place, but when Ashley and I first started talking I explained some of the things I had been through and everything I had been diagnosed with and unlike so many people, he didn’t judge me, he understood, he listened and he looked after me better than anyone I had ever known before. As time has gone on, as our relationship has progressed I have told Ashley even more than I had, I’ve told him things I have never told anyone before, I have told him some of the lowest points in my life and not once have I felt judged. He’s helped me, he understood me and most of all he’s took care of me so none of those things could happen again.

I never believed in love at first sight, or you ‘just know’ when you meet ‘the one’ or you can fall wholeheartedly in love with someone within hours/days or you can move quickly into a relationship and it work. But Ashley has made me believe all of those things. I fell in love so quickly, I knew he was the one immediately and even though we’ve moved quickly we are the happiest people in the world with every aspect of our relationship.

We’ve already been through a lot as a couple, thing I won’t go into, but we are so strong because of it all and I am so grateful to everything that has happened because it’s made me fall even more in love with him.

I believe that if you’re happy, you shouldn’t care what anyone has to say about it and that people will always judge you/your relationship, will always have things to say, will always try to drag happy people down because they’re unhappy themselves so enjoy life, move quickly if it feels right, fall in love and be happy because if there is one thing I’ve learned since having meningitis + 3 other severe illnesses and being told by a consultant most people would have died in my situation, life is so short and you never know what is around the corner, so do whatever it is that feels right and makes you happy.

I feel so lucky to have him walk into my life when he did, I now no longer go out drinking every weekend, saving myself money as well as not being ill and having hangovers, I much rather enjoy staying with him, baking, driving and experiencing new things. In the short 3 months we’ve been together we’ve already experienced so much new stuff together and we have so much more planned. This time last year I never would have imagined I would find the person I was going to marry, have children with and spend the rest of my life with, but I’m a million percent sure I have now.

Now, to Ashley. I know you’ll be reading this because you support my work and always take a cheeky read, I see you. I adore you wholeheartedly. I am so grateful for everything you do for me, I am so grateful you care, you support and you never judge me. You will never understand how much that means to me. Thank you for listening to me cry, get angry and feel shitty about my past without judging me, holding me hand, wiping away the tears and ensuring you’ll never let anything like that happen to me again. Thank you for making me understand what love looks like, feels like and is. I am a billion percent sure you’re the person I will spend the rest of my life with, grow old with, make a family with, race granny mobiles with.

I know this is a more personal post than I’ve posted before, but I was feeling soppy due to everything I’ve been through in the last twelve months and I’m so grateful how much he’s helped me through in a short time and I felt the need to share it. For girls and boys alike, never settle for anything less than someone who will look after you, never judge you, support your mental wellness and never leave you when things get rough. If your partner needs support, support them. If they need help with their mental well-being then help them, guide them and support them because it is so much easier to overcome when you have someone by your side pushing you and making you believe that it’s possible.

For anyone feeling low or suffering from a mental illness or disorder or who just feels like love isn’t for them, trust me I felt all of those things throughout most of 2017, but I now have someone in my life who’s changed everything for me, who’s made me the happiest I can ever remember. Never give up on yourself, on love or on your partner. Life is so short, make memories, be happy and never hold a grudge because you’ll never move forward and find happiness if you do.

I feel like I have rambled on enough now, but I just wanted to let out some feelings because it’s been almost a year since I was in the worst place ever and now I’m in the best place ever and I just wanted to share it and show the world how special Ashley Day is to me.

Thank you for reading and see you all in a more back to normal post very soon!


Life Update

life update

Hey guys!

I think I am possibly the worst blogger ever! No post in 3 months ahhhh! But I am back and ready to start writing again. Back in December I was rushed into hospital and I was diagnosed with meningitis, sepsis, dangerously low blood pressure and severe dehydration and the midwife told me I was lucky to be alive as my blood pressure had dropped so much that my body started to stop functioning and my organs had stopped working, so with all of that, a month of being severely ill and a week of being in hospital, I decided I wanted to take some time out to focus on myself. I took some time working on getting my health back, enjoying more family time, seeing my friends more and just enjoying my life because it really made me realise just how short life is and how you never really know what is around the corner so you need to enjoy yourself and live life to the full.

So in the last 3 months of being less active online a lot has happened. Firstly I decided to go to university, then decided I wasn’t sure and now I’m stuck with what to do. Secondly I completed dry January successfully! I wasn’t advised to, but I decided I would drink less and work on being healthier after being in hospital as I lost over a stone in the 3 weeks I was ill and I didn’t want to be unhealthy so decided to get myself sorted. And thirdly, most importantly, I got myself a boyfriend. 

Ashley Day, where do I start? When I was ill and I needed people around me, he had my back and cared more than most. We made things official on the 30th of December and I can honestly say I’m the happiest I have ever been. I never really understood people who said you’d ‘just know’ when you find ‘the one’ but now I really understand it because now I’ve found the person I want to spend my life with the feelings are a million times different to anything I’ve felt in the past. He’s not only my boyfriend but he’s also my best friend too and I am honestly so in love it’s mad.

I won’t ramble on about that though, I just wanted to post a quick update. Next week I am going to the Cheltenham Festival, which for those who don’t know is one of the biggest horse racing events in this country, I have tickets for two of the four days so I will be posting about those next week and my experience of the Cheltenham Festival for the first time. Over the next few days I will also be making a post of my top tips for the festival. I’ve bet on the Gold Cup winner the past 3 years so I’m on a roll, I can’t pick a winner every single time but the festival is the most exciting time of the year for any horse racing fan so I will be posting multiple posts over the next few days so keep your eyes out for them.

I also worked with Trentham Monkey Forest last weekend so I will have a post up about my experience with them, I am also working with Clue HQ Birmingham this weekend and West Midlands Safari Park in the next few weeks so I have a lot of exciting posts to come! Ash and I have also booked our first holiday together to Puerto Rico, Gran Canaria in June so I will be posting about that also. If you haven’t already click the social media tab at the top of the page and follow my social media accounts so you can keep up to date with all of the exciting things I have planned.

I am keeping it short and sweet, but I will be working harder to start writing more now I have the feeling of writing back! 









Turning 21

turning 21

Heya guys!

So today’s post is all about my 21st. I was lucky enough to be gifted a lot of different things from different companies for my birthday so I’ll be including some of those in this post too, however I was not paid for anything I mention or include.

So on the 1st of November I turned 21 years old, madness because I still feel about 15, but now I am classed as a fully pledged adult! On my birthday I didn’t really make any plans because of it being midweek, I was planning everything for the weekend. However on my actual birthday I was surprised with a bunch of things I didn’t expect to receive, including a lovely gift from Marc Jacobs, their brand new ‘Velvet Noir Major Volume Mascara’ which I didn’t expect at all, but was super grateful for as well as a bunch of goodies from Dollibox, again which I didn’t expect.

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Thank you to my mom and dad for a cake and flowers too, they already spent so much money on me so I was super grateful for both on the day.

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Also a massive thank you to Darcy for the birthday nails, he smashed it once again!


The day after my birthday I was then taken to see Nativity in the theatre, front row, which I absolutely loved! I loved the film, so the play had a lot to live up to and it definitely exceeded expectations!


Onto Friday, my party. A massive thank you to everyone involved in the planning and preparing of the day. As well as Aldi, who supplied the food, The Cake Box, who supplied my cake, Pryzm, who gave me a booth and free entry for my friends and I for the afterparty and Travelodge for the discount codes for some rooms for my friends and I for afterwards.



I haven’t planned a long post, just a few thank you notes and a few photos really as I haven’t posted in a while. So here are a couple photos from the night, a massive thank you to my old school friends who came to celebrate with me and all of my family, even those I have only met a couple times before. So grateful.

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Overall I had the best 21st birthday, I got the time to celebrate with my best friends and my family and I enjoyed every single second. I was very drunk and I don’t remember much, but the bits I do remember I enjoyed. I want to say a massive thank you to all of the companies that helped to make my birthday a success as well as my parents more than anyone who helped me organise everything and make it perfect for me and the very few people I invited. I had a small party because if you know me, you’ll know how antisocial I am and I only keep very few people close to me and those are the ones I invited.

I know it is a short post, but I have quite a bit lined up for the next few months so keep your eyes peeled!



















Unreal Blogging Opportunities…


Hey Lovelies!

Today I am going to be writing about some of the unreal opportunities I have been given over the past couple of months. I don’t blog to earn money or be gifted products, I do it because it gives me a release, it’s somewhere I come to write and let out my feelings and enjoy myself in my own little world for a few hours. I started blogging because I thoroughly enjoyed writing in school and sixth form and I wanted a way to continue to write after I finished my A-Levels and blogging was a perfect way to do that so there started 

However the bonus of being able to collaborate with some of the biggest brands and companies around the world is something I couldn’t ever have even dreamed of happening. So this post is essentially all of the amazing opportunities I have been given recently. This time last year I was in an emotionally, mentally and physically abusive relationship, rarely leaving the house, overweight and constantly sexually harassed at work, but today I am here in a relationship with someone who treats me like a princess, I have a great bunch of friends I regularly go out with, I am 2 pounds off my goal weight and I am able to work doing something I love doing. I am writing this post not to brag about what I have got or what I am doing, but to show that anything is possible. I went from attempting suicide, to being probably the happiest I have ever been and honestly if this inspires one person to pursue their dreams and realise that they can achieve anything they put their mind to then I feel like it was worth writing.

Firstly the brand I think I was completely shocked by when I received an email is Protein World. They work with some of the biggest celebrities in the world, including the Kardashian/Jenner family, so the fact they wanted to work with me blew my mind. I received their 30 day challenge which I am half way through completing. Honestly I had heard some incredible things about Protein World but I had never had the opportunity to try their products and in all honesty I can totally see the hype around them. Their Slender Blend is honestly the best tasting protein shake I have ever tried. I have tried numerous shakes over the past 12 months or so whilst on my journey to lose weight and I have never found one I liked the taste of, but Protein World sent me their Vanilla Slender Blend and it is honestly so nice I could drink them all day, every day if I could. 

The second company I am currently working with is Bondi Sands. They sent me their tanning foam in light/medium and also a tester of their dark tanning foam and also their gradual tanning milk moisturiser. Personally, I have never used a fake tan before apart from 4 years ago for prom so it was definitely something new for me. For me I actually really like their products, the dark tanning foam is too dark for me, but that’s personal preference, however the light/medium is perfect for a subtle tan, but it can also be built up with extra layers if needed. The gradual tanning milk moisturiser is also very good for a gradual building tan, it isn’t took intense and it’s very gradual so could get away with being a natural tan. 

The next company I am working with is Yankee Candle, which for me is an incredible company with incredible products. They sent me some candles from their brand new range called Viva Havana and Cuban Mojito which both have really intense smells and they both smell incredible so being able to work with them with such incredible products is amazing. The best smelling parcel I have ever received for sure.

The fourth company is West Midlands Safari Park. I have received 8 complimentary tickets for my whole family to go which I am so excited for! I haven’t been in so long so being able to go with my whole family will be amazing. Watch out for a full review of our visit over the summer!

Next on the list is a company/brand I almost cried over when I received a phonecall from them. Man United Football Club want to work with me, what?! I had a lovely phonecall regarding a bespoke, luxury, VIP tour. Unreal right? This will only be the third time Man United have offered this to someone so for me that is an incredible achievement for myself. So again, keep your eye out for a full review of their incredible stadium and the experience of their tour!

Another company/brand is BAMMA, probably the biggest MMA company in the UK. I will be attending BAMMA 29 on the 12th of May, two days time in their press section including backstage and interview access, which for me is absolutely unreal opportunity. So over the weekend a full post regarding the night, the fights and everything I experience will be posted so keep your eyes open!

Another company is Blackpool Cluster, which includes Madam Tussauds, the Blackpool Tower, the Blackpool Dungeons, the Blackpool Ballroom, the sealife centre and more. They will be giving me access to visit all of those above places and experience them all with my boyfriend, which I am super excited for. So again, another post regarding that trip will be up maybe during the summer. Similar to that, Thorpe Park an Twcross Zoo will be doing the same so a full review and post of those will also be coming during 2017. A very exciting summer ahead!

Daytona Go Karting is also another company who have gave me an opportunity to spend a day with them with my friends, which for me is super exciting as I have never actually been go karting before so it should be fun!

Waffle Project in Hall Green, Birmingham, is another company I am working with. I absolutely love Waffle Project so being able to work with them is unreal. I will be receiving a hoodie from them which is gorgeous may I add.

Another company I am able to work with is Travel Lodge, they have allowed me to book a break with them in exchange for a full review of their hotel. Which of course, will be 100% honest. It’ll be a little like Four in The Bed, if you guys have ever seen that show, where people visit each others hotels and critique them.

Another company I am so excited to work with is Krispy Kreme! Receiving a Green Card from them is something I never imagined I would be able to do, so working with them is honestly a dream. Next up is Evans, a women’s clothing company who are lovely enough to be sending out some t-shirts which I can’t wait to receive.

Another event I am able to attend with press passes is BBC Gardeners World Live and Birmingham NEC, which I am so excited for. My parents are both garden lovers so being able to take them to that is going to be incredible.

The next two companies are both ran by the same PR company, Russell Hobbs and Remington, both companies I am super excited to be working with in the very near future. The last company is Poundland, a company I am sure everybody is aware of. I will be working with them very very soon, so keep your eyes on my social media for the collaboration with all three of these companies.

I am currently working with these brands and am in talks with many more, all brands and companies I love and could never have ever dreamed of working with. As I said before this post in no way, shape or form is to brag about what I have got or what I am doing, it is simply a post to show that anything is possible if you keep at it. I was laughed at when I first started blogging, being told it was stupid and it wasn’t worth it, but now those people who laughed at me are contacting me, trying to get me to help them. It is a dream to work with brands I absolutely love. As I said previously, I was in a horrible, horrible place 12 months ago but now I am settled and loving what I do. So if I can do that, so can anybody else, just keep at it. 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, if you’ve followed me for a while, you’ll know I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, so mental health awareness is something very close to my heart. Recently I have been discharged by my councillor and I am almost at a point where I can stop taking my anti depressants and anxiety tablets, so at some point in the next week or so I will be doing a full post about my mental health journey and hopefully I can raise some awareness along with my followers support. 

For someone who 3 months ago was in hospital, 2 tablets away from dying after a suicide attempt, I am ridiculously proud of how far I have come and how much my life has changed and I feel like if I can do it, then so can anyone!

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and I will see you all very soon!


A Letter To My Younger Self

Hey Lovelies! 

Welcome to my new post, today I am going to write a letter to my younger self, I really hope you enjoy it.

Dear Zoe,

Life isn’t like a fairy tale, you’ll be heartbroken at some point, you will learn not to trust many people and you will probably be judged by many but don’t worry about any of that because life is too short. Don’t let people upset you and get you down, as long as you’re happy and as long as you’re making your parents proud, who cares what anyone else thinks? You have nothing to prove to anyone, only yourself.

If you want to spend all of your money on concerts, that is totally okay. You’re not spoilt, you work extremely hard and deserve all of the treats you give yourself. Don’t listen to those who are jealous of you. 

Trusting people is hard, I know. Believing what people tell you is hard too. If someone breaks your heart, don’t dwell on it. Smile, hold your head up high and realise it is their loss, not yours. Don’t let your past ruin your future. That man you love? Yeah he loves you too, let him in, trust him and believe him when he says those three words, he isn’t your ex, he won’t hurt you. And if he does? Hold your head up princess, that tiara is falling. 

You know what? You can argue with your parents as much as you like, at the end of the day they brought you into this world, they know what is best for you. If they tell you someone is bad news? Listen to them, because parents can always tell a bad egg before you can. If they tell you you can’t go out? Listen to them, they know what people are like. It isn’t you they don’t trust, it is other people and they are well within their rights to think that. It is a horrible world we live in so listen to them, they really do know best.

Your brothers? Yeah they will annoy you, sometimes you will hate them. But after everything, guess who will always have your back? Them. They will not let anyone hurt you, do the same for them. Look out for each other, support each other and never let each other down. Being close to your siblings is rare, don’t look back in 50 years time and regret not spending more time together.

Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs and sex really isn’t all that. Trust me, you don’t need to sneak about at 13 years old to do all the things your parents tell you not to. People will think they’re clever taking drugs at a young age, but don’t do something stupid, don’t regret being young by doing something that could effect you in the future. Smoking is a dirty habit, don’t get into it. Alcohol? Yeah everybody drinks it, but don’t be stupid and get drunk so young, waking up and not remembering what happened. And sex? Yes it is a part of life that most experience, but why rush? 

Never feel pressured to do something you don’t feel you are ready for just because your friends are doing it. Focus in school and get good grades because in today’s society, grades are important to make it in almost any career. You won’t know what you want to do with your life when you’re young, you may think you do but that will change so many times before you become an adult so don’t focus all of your efforts into one thing because who knows what you will end up doing.

School is boring yes, but they are the best days of your life so don’t wish them away, enjoy every single second because trust me, once you start working you will regret ever wishing those days away.

All of those ‘friends’ you make in school? You will probably keep in touch with just a handful so be careful who you trust and who you let into your life because not everybody has your best interests in mind. Keep a couple friends who will always have your back and do not let them go. They’re rare and very precious.

If you have a crush on a singer, do not let anyone take that away from you because it could allow you to meet so many new friends and allow you to make so many new memories. Do not publish your life on social media. If you and your parents argue? Sort it out, rant to a friends, go for a walk, don’t publish online how much you hate them, because you don’t, you never will, you’re just angry.

Life is short, someone you argue with today could be gone tomorrow, don’t take that chance. Don’t be stubborn, apologise, hug it out and move on. 

You’re stronger than you think you are, you can overcome anything if you put your mind to it. The main thing is be happy. Do what you want to do, don’t let others bring you down. You’ll have bad days, so will those around you, but don’t let it turn into bad weeks or months or years. If somebody is having a bad day and they take it out on you that’s fine, shake it off and move on because everybody has bad days and you will probably take yours out on somebody else too.

A small note to end on… It doesn’t take a lot to smile at someone, who knows you could even make their day. Smile more, laugh more and enjoy your life because the last thing you want to do is regret it looking back.

Be happy, treat yourself and do what you love to do.

All the best.



Today was a different post for sure but I feel like at 20 years old I’ve learnt quite a lot and I continue to learn every single day of my life but if I could tell my younger self anything it is in this letter. I don’t regret my past because I learnt from it and grew from it and I’m finding out a lot about myself with every mistake I make, but I like the thought of learning and being able to pass that on to younger people so this is what I would personally pass on. I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and I will see you in my next post.

Suffering With Depression and Anxiety


Hey Lovelies!

Today I’m going to talk about a serious matter, I know it’s a lot different from my usual posts but I feel like telling my story may be able to help someone and even if it only helps 1 of you I feel like that’s a great thing.

Throughout the past 6 months my family and I have been through a lot of things. Most of which isn’t my story to tell and I don’t want to really talk about that part of my life. However the series of things that happened last year lead me to be feeling really not myself at all. I was struggling to get to sleep, then when I was actually asleep I’d sleep for up to 15 hours at a time, I’d get angry really quickly and easily over little things, I’d cry a lot and be upset over things that shouldn’t upset me and I was just not motivated in any way, shape or form. Very quickly my boyfriend, my mom and I realised something just wasn’t right and therefore I was booked a doctors appointment to find out what exactly is going on.

I seen my doctor and we did a couple of tests and questionnaires where she decided I had moderate to severe depression as well as anxiety. I was given tablets to take which were a mix of antidepressants and sleeping tablets and she referred me to a councilor.

At the moment I’m okay, I’m still not 100% and I probably won’t be for a while yet, but I am feeling a lot better than I was, I think that’s mainly due to the fact I have actually spoke to someone and opened up rather than keeping everything to myself and letting it build up.

I have such an incredible set of people around me who have kept me strong and helped me through everything and without them I couldn’t have got through it. If there is one thing I would suggest to anyone who isn’t feeling them self it would be to talk to someone. Whether it’s your parents, your partner, your friend or even a doctor, I really do think talking to someone helps you a lot. 

For me I am not writing this post for sympathy, not at all. I’m writing this post because I feel like with what I’ve went through I’ve learnt a lot. At one point I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone, I couldn’t trust anyone, but now looking back that was never ever the case. So this post is mainly for you guys to know I have been through some horrible things and that’s why I haven’t posted as much as I would like to have, but also to say if any of you feel how I felt before where I couldn’t talk to anyone, just know you can. Even if you don’t want to talk to your parents or friends or anyone, my inbox and my email is always open. I know just how hard it was, so if I can help just one person to open up, to get help and to feel better then I feel like I’ve done what I wanted to do. 

I’m not the biggest blogger or social media influence don’t get me wrong, but I do have quite a large following and if I can reach out to just one person across my blog or social media and help you, I feel like that’s all I want to come from this.

I know just how hard it is to open up and to admit there is a problem, I fought with myself for so long not wanting to tell anyone how I felt, not wanting anyone to click on that I’m not okay, sooner or later I knew someone would realise because I just wasn’t myself. I wasn’t motivated to do anything, I didn’t even want to blog even though it’s my favourite thing to do. I wouldn’t wake up early like I used to, I’d sleep all day if I could. I was getting easily angry and annoyed at little things that normally I would laugh at or ignore, again this just wasn’t me at all. My boyfriend started slowly but surely noticing and asked me if I was okay and I knew he was starting to see that I just wasn’t okay. 

Eventually I decided to do something about it. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t someone people would want to be around and I just wasn’t me. I felt like if I didn’t get help and admit I wasn’t okay, I’d lose people around me because I was argumentative and angry and upset and honestly I was just a horrible person to be around I really was. When I went to the doctor I ended up crying a lot and explaining things I probably would never imagine telling anyone but now I’ve done it I am so glad I have because getting it off my chest really has helped me. Of course I’m not there yet, but soon I will be my usual happy self and I can’t wait to reach that point again.

I am super grateful to my boyfriend and my family and friends because without them I don’t know where I’d be right now, I just know I’d be feeling as bad or worse than I was before. I really wasn’t a nice person to be around but I had a bunch of strong people around me who stuck by my side and helped me rather than ignoring how much pain I was in. 

Mental illness isn’t something people talk about, in fact I’ve realised that a lot of people shy away from talking about it. This shouldn’t be that way. Just because you can’t see an illness it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Whether that’s depression or anxiety or any other mental illness, it is there and it’s a real problem and it needs to be spoke about. People don’t truly know what a mental illness is because people would rather ignore it than talk about it and to me that’s really sad. I’ve decided to post this not because I want sympathy or anything like that, I want people to talk about mental illness whether it’s happening to you or maybe someone you know, mental illness effects a lot of people. In fact you probably know someone who’s suffering with a mental illness, probably in silence because they’re too scared in case they get judged. I find it so sad that that’s the reality we live in. 

I’m not proud of my illness but I’m proud that I’ve overcome what I’ve been through and I’m proud that I didn’t let it beat me. I want people to know that if you feel like you’re struggling, you are not alone. You have people around you who will help you and work with you to get yourself better. Never feel like you can’t open up and talk to someone, as I said if you don’t want to talk to someone at home, talk to a friend, if not inbox me or email me and at least you can have that weight lifted off your shoulders to talk to someone and open up. I would never judge anyone for suffering with an illness because I understand how it feels. 

I really hope this post helps someone to either understand mental illness is a thing and it needs to be talked about otherwise more and more people will suffer in silence and honestly it is the worst feeling possible.

Thank you for reading this different post about everything and thank you for hopefully not judging me. I know it’s long and I’ve probably repeated myself a bunch of times but this post is completely unedited, it is straight from the heart, straight from my notes on my phone where I wrote it all and I am super nervous about posting this so please be kind. I haven’t edited it because I wanted it to be 100% raw and real for you guys. I hope this will help at least one of you. Please do not forget my inbox on Twitter and Instagram and my emails are open for any of you who want to talk about anything.

Again, thank you for reading.

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